I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
