my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
