Your face is a jimmy john
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
