"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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