Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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