Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
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I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
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the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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