she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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