they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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