We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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