I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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