When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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