The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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