Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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