A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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