I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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