Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
