Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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