i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
