I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
