Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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