I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
