Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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