I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Randomize
