Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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