Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
