Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
