God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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