that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
