This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
