What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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