It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
