I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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