Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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