i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Randomize
