Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
