I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Green mimosas i think yes
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
