The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stole a fireplace last night.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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