The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
