The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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