eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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