Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
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I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
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I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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