he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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