but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
