Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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