So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
