these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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