yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
