imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
