I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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