I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I believe in your delicious
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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