Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
