My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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