Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Randomize
