dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize