Banned from zoo.
Again?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
They took my balls.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
