I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
