I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
My life is pants optional.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
