We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
