It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
