i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
