I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
