I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
