So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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