I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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