I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
