I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
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