WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
