I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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