last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
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The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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