your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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