He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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