so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
