i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Randomize
