When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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