Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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