I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
