how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize