Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
