I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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