Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
