I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
