As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
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He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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