It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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