You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
