Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
