If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
