Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
