A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
