so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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