Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Randomize
