I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
