I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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